**Note: The things stated in this post, only applies to the majority of males and females.. Not all.. there are some rare ones out there... **Just yesterday I was reading the papers, more like skimming, when I came to this section.. You know, the.. Teenage problem section..
Where a girl wrote in saying that she is close friends with a guy... and found out that he liked her.. she only liked him as a friend, and later did all sorts of things to make him dislike her, so that he would give up liking her.. but she doesn't want to lose his friendship... so now she is asking what to do....
It's a typical scenario for a girl... when a guy likes a girl who is not interested in him... be very prepared for the cold shoulder, and the invisible man technique... It's cruel.. I know.. And it hurts...
I won't deny it, I've done it myself.. But honestly to a girl, we don't know any other way to deter a guy from giving up on us... If we still treat him like he is there, majority of the guys won't give up.. and just because we are still treating them decently, they think that they still have a chance... and well to us, what ensues later, is no different from harassment...
Sometimes even when the girl already has a boyfriend, these guys just don't know when to quit. So I'm sorry, yet not very sorry for the guys... and also for the girls who are found in this predicament...
Now, what happens if that person is a close friend whom you don't wish to lose? it's a very delicate situation... You could very well lose his friendship, and trust me, I know... (I've lost a friendship over this...)
a lot of friendships have been lost this way, unless it so happens that both parties have an open and understanding mind... which is rare... very rare...
But it still happens sometimes, and most of the time, the majority of guys, who are close to a certain girl, tend to fall for that girl.. it's natural, it happens.. what is the girl to do? some of us, give the cold shoulder.. some drop hints that they aren't interested, or tell the guy that they like someone else..etc... the braver ones, will just say.. sorry, but i only see you as a friend... (but this can only be used if the guy confessed...)
But how many of us girls are brave enough to just say it outright? not many.. it's a tough predicament... it always ends with one side getting hurt... and well.. i think in this case the girl is right... it's better to cut the diseased tree down at the root, when it's still a sapling, rather than to wait for it to become a full grown tree, before cutting it down.. at that time the pain is even more...
I personally believe in doing that, i might get seen as a bitch or a heartless woman, but i think it's the best method... to cut of the infatuation, in whatever way, when it's still a young sapling...
For example.. if this guy is interested, and if i consider him a possible candidate, and I'm single and available... fine, I'll give him a chance, but the problem with me is my analytical skills, which more often than not, tends to be true.. so after going out a few times.. if I notice that he is only suited to be a friend..
I cease all actions, which may indicate that I'm interested, and drop loads of hints that i treat him only as a friend..if he is direct with me, I'll be direct too.. (i.e if he confesses.. if not, it's only hints, as said before.. i won't say anything unless he does.. i don't want to be overly-sensitive...)
If i find that your personality doesn't match with mine.. I'm sorry but it's no point in starting a relationship.. it may seem like i was leading you on, then dropping you like a cold block of ice.. but I'm still your friend... and as i said, it's better that i quash your hopes before you become really serious..
A lot of people don't realise the other parties intention, and always think that party cruel.. but how many of you actually stop to put yourself into that person's shoes? not many.. we only see it on the surface.. like.. "what a bitch.. leading him on, then dropping him like a hot iron..."
It's being cruel to be kind.. why enter into a relationship, that may last maybe a year or two, find out you are incompatible, and break up? and admist all that, cause so much tears and heartbreak. Because mind you, feelings do come up during that time... like.. example, I'm so used to having him around or something.. or that the girl actually likes the guy, vice versa, but the personality really does clash.. it's like you can't have two stubborn or talkative persons in a relationship.. you need a balance (ying and yang).. if they are both moderately stubborn, or talkative i guess it can still survive.. but still.. it's a lot of give and take... all relationships are give and take...
And a problem with most guys are.. that they tend to refuse change, strongly!
thinking "why the hell must i change for her?" and most girls going "oh, he will change for me, because he loves me..", resulting in loads of arguments and tears...
i believe, what you see, is what you get with guys... most people don't realise that it's give and take in a relationship, and take it for granted... it's not only like, sharing the bills.. it's also personality wise... sometimes, we REALLY do have to change our personality for the one we love (be it your lover, family or friends)..
so if you know him to be a selfish, materialistic, ignorant, egoistic brat.. even as just a friend, and IF he shows some interest in you... AND IF you can't take that type of personality, don't even bother about him changing for you, once you are in a relationship, the chances are at least 99% that he won't! (he should change BEFORE ENTERING into a relationship with you!!)
some may argue, that by cutting the tree at the root, you aren't even giving it a chance to grow, who knows, it might actually grow up to be a strong tree... well, i guess that's just the risk, that most of the female community take.. And there are some who take the risk.. actually quite a huge number.. but i guess i'm not included in that statistics haha..
Also, bear in mind that females think with their heart and their head.. if our heart gets shattered it's not easy for us to recover.. I'm not saying that it's easier on the guys.. but as far as i know.. at least 60-70% of guys recover much faster than girls... I don't know why, maybe it's true what they say that men think with their balls and head, or it could be that they weren't really serious...
but i think that because, the majority of men, tend to be more rational creatures than women.. not really being affected by matters of the heart, they will be going.. "what's the point of moping?" and just move on.. unlike women, who would go through again, and again, and again, and again.. and again... and goodness knows, how many more times, they will keep going through it again.. trying to analyse what went wrong...
It's true when we say that men are from Mars and women from Venus.. (but somehow i managed to understand them considerably well, not totally, but i would say well enough, which planet does that make me from? no wonder i can't find a partner.. i need one from the same planet haha )
oh and how do guys reject girls? As far as i know, but i stand corrected...(maybe you guys would like to give your opinions on this..)
they actually do it about the same way as us... i mean, they are flattered and all, that a girl is showing interest in him.. but most men, being more bold, just tells her sorry, and if they really mean it, the girl stops trying after a few times.. unlike men... sheesh... (some men just don't know when to give up.. and well i guess it's because most females are more timid by nature, so they give up easily, then feel depressed, that they aren't good enough etc..... )
Well that is if the girl confesses.. Most, if not all guys are very dense when girls are dropping hints that she likes him... and i guess that explains it all =.='
Some men, do have women stalkers.. and i pity them.. but i digress..
about the scenario mentioned earlier.. i think that girl was immature in handling this.. i've been through that scenario a few rare number of times, and well, I'm still friends with them... at some point i may have given them the cold shoulder when my hints didn't work.. but i always try to go back and patch things up.. and no matter what.. i won't forget their birthdays or things like that, and always make it a point to wish them.. and let them know that as a friend, i will always be there.. but as a friend only, nothing more...
some were smart enough to realise that i only liked him as a friend nothing more.. and well to those who didn't, and, or actually had enough courage to tell me how he felt.. i respect him, it takes a lot of courage to confess, but sorry, I only like you as a friend, and i will tell that to you a thousand millions times, as many as it takes to make you realise...
And well, the most i can do, is to distant myself first, till you get over your feelings.. but i will always welcome you as a friend again, when you have gotten over your feelings, and whoever you find after that, i will sincerely wish you.. all the best :)
but that's just me.. but if it's for the greater good (i.e for my friend's benefit, regardless of situation, and gender.. in the long run, --- meaning it doesn't only apply to such a situation, and it applies to family too).. i don't mind being the bad guy....
Besides.. no matter how much, some of the guys claim that i would make a good girlfriend.. i think I'm only a good friend. About me being a good girlfriend, that would be another matter, and i don't think the poor guy, will be able to stand my demanding character... haha.. I'm doing the male species (homosapience only) a huge favour here haha
-Oracl3-
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